went on

Watch the tense here: since it refers to a discrete period of time in the past, you should use the preterite.

uneasy

A number of possibilities: desasosegada, nerviosa, incómoda.

liberties

This has a clear sexual connotation in English, which must be rendered in Spanish. The most exact Spanish equivalent is propasarse (con alguien).

corridor

pasillo (not pasaje, which is 'passage (of literature)', 'passage (voyage or crossing), 'passage (alleyway or arcade)')

carry out

Difficult to render economically: retirar, recoger, quitar or llevar are appropriate. Traer cannot be used: unlike English 'bring', Spanish traer always means 'bring to the place where we are speaking', never 'take to another place'. Cargar con and cargar (LA) do not give the idea of direction, though a construction such as salir (del comedor) cargada de platos could be used.

although

Aunque does not always take the subjunctive in Spanish: this is a case where it does not, because the writer is asserting that she did remember Mary's advice.

kick

dismissal

Probably better to use a verbal construction here.

hear

is not entender!

wheezy

Difficult: resollante is perhaps the closest word; asmático is accurate, but it unfortunately lacks the onomatopoeic quality of the English word.

fumble

This has to be rendered by a paraphrase such as manosear con torpeza.

latch

pasador or pestillo.

lock in

me encerraba rather than just cerraba la puerta.

lock

cough

Tos is feminine.

knew

Must be an imperfect; a preterite would mean 'found out'.

ladder

escalera (escalón is a rung)

for

por. See prepositions.

thinking

A preposition is followed by the infinitive in Spanish, never by the gerund. 'To think of' is pensar en.

day's work

Can be economically translated by mi jornada.

you

This is a fairly colloquial piece in some respects, so you can use tú, e.g. si te descubren... It is also inappropriate to use the passive with ser for the same reason.

you're

See you. Try and bring out the English contrastive stress by a change of word order: eres tú la culpable / la culpable eres tú.

no matter

Several constructions are possible: comoquiera que entren is most economical (note the subjunctive); cualquiera que sea la manera de entrar / no importa cómo han logrado entrar are more long-winded,

twenty four

Watch the spelling: veinticuatro.

flat on your back

The standard expression is (tumbada) boca arriba.